Happy National Midwifery Week!

I wasn’t sure how to express my thoughts about being a midwife. There is so much involved in midwifery, so much that isn’t shared because it’s personal or ordinary. I read a beautiful post this week, but it was centered around birth. I didn’t share it because there is so much more to midwifery than birth. Here’s a bit more of midwifery in my life.

It’s talking to parents who are pregnant for the first time, pregnant after several losses, pregnant after a previous traumatic birth, pregnant after a big gap between babies, parents looking for a midwife during their pregnancy because they’re not happy with their current provider.

It’s not rushing prenatal or postpartum visits while parents process their doubts, concerns, fears, worries, discomforts, joy, triumphs, hopes, dreams, goals, and their big mindset shifts.

It’s seeing the light in parents’ faces as they feel their baby’s position in the 3rd trimester, hear their heartbeat, or bring them up to their chest for the first time. 

It’s encouraging parents to take ownership of their pregnancy and experience and not telling them what to do with every decision that must be made.

It’s a lot of time on the computer- charting, updating documents, requesting records multiple times then processing them, business licenses and paperwork, bookkeeping, answering emails, having contact with every rep for each lab and supplier for everything I carry, and social media.

It’s managing a schedule with appointments and knowing that I may have to reschedule everything because of a birth or do appointments with little to no sleep after a birth.

It’s hauling birth bags up stairs in the middle of night, setting up supplies in a new home each time, running through possible scenarios, filling up the tub, guiding dad’s hands, whispering to moms who need to be reminded of their strength, checking the water temp, listening to baby’s heartbeat- what is it telling me? Looking at the big picture of the labor and how it’s unfolding- are there any red flags? What does this client need? When is the last time she peed? Did she get enough rest before labor? So many things to think about to support families individually.

It’s keeping up on continuing education units, practicing skills, and renewing licenses and certifications.

It’s watching grandparents support their babies having babies and them seeing birth with no interventions for the first time. It’s seeing them meet their brand new grandbaby.

It’s making sure there’s always gas in my car, that I have a back up plan if my car is getting fixed or serviced, that my phone is always charged, ringer on, and has a signal. It’s calculating how far I’m traveling and whether or not I should bring my all of my birth supplies with me at any given time.

It’s walking through anxiety and depression struggles with parents both during pregnancy and postpartum. It’s processing trauma.

It’s being a small business owner with paying for health insurance, crazy taxes, and thinking about how to retire one day. It’s spending extra money on chiro adjustments and massages for the weird positions I get into at births, supplements to manage stress and my adrenals. 

It’s feeding mom bites of food through labor, then  warming up a meal after baby is here. It’s warming up a washcloth to wipe the blood off of her legs, then helping her up to the bathroom as needed.

It’s drawing blood for lab work, doing pap testing, ordering ultrasounds, consults with MFM/high risk docs, and following up with all of it.

It’s missing out on trips with family and friends, not being at the births of my own friends that live far away, and making big financial sacrifices to take enough time off to go outside of our 1ish hour on call radius.

It’s seeing the amazingness of doulas caring for the same families and knowing there is never a thing as too much support.

It’s having clients I love risk out of care and lose the dream of a beautiful uncomplicated home birth.

It’s spending time and money researching equipment and supplies, ordering, going through inventory, checking expiration dates, and making sure I have what I need to provide care.

It’s just falling asleep and having my phone ring.

It’s falling in love with the families I serve. I love seeing their growth, helping them through the hard things, and watching sibling grow up. I love being one of the few that has the honor of feeling a baby and getting to know them before they’re born- then seeing them on the outside. It’s magical.

It’s cleaning up blood off a toilet so it’s ready for the next time it’s needed and because it’s not a common sight for family members, starting a load of laundry after a birth, boiling site bath herbs for the peri bottle, cleaning and packing up the tub and supplies.

It’s worrying each time I’m sick or my body aches because I want to show up 100% for each family. I prioritize sleep as much as possible because I’m never sure when I’ll get a labor call.

It’s getting a labor call and not knowing how long I’ll be gone.

It’s helping moms breastfeed for the first time or overcome challenges. It’s helping dads gain confidence with holding and changing their little babies.

It’s sleeping on random floors, couches, and my car when labor spaces out, eating out of other peoples’ fridges when I didn’t have time to bring my own food, and remembering I didn’t replace the extra set of clothes in my car and got wet at a birth.

It’s not being able to fully commit to events, birth parties, holidays, trainings, or other invitations because birth can happen at any time.

It’s being in a cold hospital after a long labor and supporting a family through the unexpected.
It’s not being in those cold hospitals with your clients because of COVID.

It’s washing a client’s sink full of dishes because parents are overwhelmed and it’s one less thing on their shoulders.

It’s walking through loss with families who have a wide range of emotions and adapting to their needs. Remembering their babies and knowing their due dates are approaching. It’s the thin veil between life and death and knowing that risk is real for many families. I provide care for free because there’s never a world where I could charge for somebody’s loss.

It’s crying in my car after a hard birth or transfer. It’s the oxytocin high after an amazing birth. It’s doing my best to stay awake on the drive home.

It’s dating people who can’t understand that midwifery isn’t just a job and there are no fixed hours, especially with being on call.

It’s the birth hangover afterwards, remembering I didn’t eat or drink enough and the lack of sleep all catches up. Then trying to figure out what day it is and who else needs your time and attention.

It’s maintaining a home, groceries, laundry, cooking, and personal relationships on top of everything.

It’s doing well person visits to discuss fertility, preconception care, contraception options, and doing trauma informed pap testing/pelvic exams.

It’s showing up for other midwives and birth workers and being so grateful when they show up for me.

It’s knowing that the system is broken on so many levels, seeing it up close, and wanting so much more for families.

It’s going from a birth, to a prenatal for a mom in her first trimester starting care, to a 1 month postpartum visit all in the same day.

For many midwives it’s also childcare struggles with unpredictable nature of births, it’s missing extra special moments, holidays, sport events, and first days of school for their own kids or their grandkids.

It’s witnessing the most beautiful moments and being heartbroken other times.

Midwifery permeates through every aspect of my life. It doesn’t look the same for every other midwife, this is just my current perspective. It’s heart filled and it’s hard. There is no better work and I’m so grateful I get to do it. Midwifing during a pandemic is not for the faint of heart and I couldn’t do it without divine help and assistance. I honor the midwives who help me continuously, who make time for me in their crazy busy lives, who taught me, who’ve sat with me, and who understand me on a level so few can.